Why it is best to avoid arguments.

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(The best policy in any relationship: husband and wife, friends, boss and subordinate or any other.)

 

It is a fact that arguments weaken a team. It is best to avoid it.

Come to think of it. It never takes you anywhere, except to get even further apart. I don’t know why, but that is how it goes.

People who are by habit argumentative like:

“But Why???”

“I think it should be done like this….”

“How do you know?”

And so on. Such questions are very ‘normal’ except when they are uttered just to gain time, or to waste it. When a person has no intent of doing something, he goes into argument.

If you watch any one of those popular talk shows on Pakistan’s television networks, there is nothing but argument going on. The belief is; the more arguments there are, the more the ‘rating’ grows. Hence it is egged on even more. The anchor or one of the ‘plants’ will say such a thing that the conversation gets out of proportion ending in hot arguments.

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Being good at Change Management

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Aren’t my blogs turning into text books? I hope not! I have to be careful, I’ve been an educationist for too many years. My blog on transitional phases in life is actually all about change. One’s ability to do it well revolves around the skill in change management. As they say, the only constant thing in life these days is change!

So, how good are you at it?

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Let us get financial acumen.

Getting aware of the pitfalls that can happen, and knowing how to avoid them.

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“I’ve witnessed a lady lose nine million rupees, and nothing could be done about it!” My bank manager Umer Malik mentioned. Immediately, I decided to learn more about this. The remark made me realize how vital it is for us to learn about the pitfalls during financial deals.

While this blog post is important for everyone, but more so for my fair readers! First, most of us women, are not given any financial stability with the men in our lives holding all the strings to finances in our lives. All the legalities are written and interpreted by the male members of our society to their own advantage. Making sure women are kept in the dark and at the greatest disadvantage in almost every situation.

Added to that is the female attitude…. “Why should I bother my pretty little head with these boring facts and figures? When I have enough on my hands, having to maintain my own figure!” She goes on to say to her dearly beloved… “You are there to deal with these things. I trust you.” Then, he goes on to die on her, or change with the changing times, and whispers from his family and friends….. Suddenly, she is all alone to fend for herself in this cruel nasty world. And she has only herself to blame for trusting the men in her life. They are human. They can make mistakes, why so, at your cost?

Secondly, when a woman does have financial control over her assets, she does not know how to hold on to these, how to invest it wisely or how to make it grow, in a halaal way. So, it was painful for me to hear how this woman actually lost ninety lacs and nothing could be done to help her. (One lac is $1000, so this lady lost $90,000)

How not to get swindled? This can only happen when we (and that includes the men too) take the time and make the effort to learn all we can about handling our finances in a mature way.

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So, I asked my bank manager Umer Malik of Bank Alfalah, in E-11, Islamabad, if he could spare some time, and I could interview him.

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Mind your mind!

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I’m talking to all of us smart phone holders. Our minds have been taken over by forwards, quotes, jokes, pics, and what not. Just like our phone starts ‘crashing’ due to so much useless stuff being stuffed into it – our minds do too! Then there are Whats App groups with their barrage of forwards. I agree some are rather nice. But ninety percent are useless and pointless! Groups have been made where no one says anything, except help crash your phone with forwards.

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Combine this with our over populated country, with people barging into your space to tell you this that or the other. As some would say “dimagh ki lassi ban jati hai!” (one’s brain is turned into churned buttermilk….)

So, naturally, when you picked the phone to make a call, you end up never making it, because you got diverted.

It happens with me all the time.

So, it is vital to find ways to keep our minds in focus. Use the same phones’ ‘notes’ or ‘calendar’ to jot down all that you need to do for the day. Yes, the ‘to do’ list is more important now than ever before.

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Acquiring a new car and becoming a tax filer too!

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“Faizan, can you come with me to see a car?”

“Why not, but I don’t know anything about cars.”

“You can pretend that you do! Just keep quiet and go with me.”

“Ok, I’ll go with you.” we were anyways going to the ETO office to try to find a way out of the mess that my outlaws had done on my previous car papers.  Faizan had bought my Altis from me. I had to give a good concession due to the problems he would be facing. As a result of that, I didn’t have much cash to buy my new car. So, my precious father, offered to chip in with the difference.   Now, I was ready to choose my next car. My automobile expert Daniyal of GT Garage workshop, was in Dubai for a training course, and I had to make do with Faizan. I mean I couldn’t just walk into someone’s house alone, to see a car, could I?

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Hocus Pocus – without any Focus

When you are trying to do what you really want to do!

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Abbas Husain my mentor and friend often uses this terminology which is so blatantly true about our lives today.

How can we focus?

“Nothing can be achieved unless you allocate a time and place to it. –even if one of these is missing, it won’t happen!” says Mahjabeen my spiritual mentor.

True!

Ok, so you allocate a TIME and a PLACE to it. Then what? HELL BREAKS LOOSE! That’s what! Just like when you keep some money aside …. “To be used only for an emergency.” You tell yourself. Within a day or so, an ‘EMERGENCY’ will certainly happen.

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Happy birthday!

(My fifteen points of happy living.)

 

We all love to celebrate our birthdays. But we don’t want to get older. We want a long life, but we don’t want wrinkles. We want to eat our (birthday) cake, and have it too. So what’s wrong with it?

It is the most human perspective after all!

I know such energetic personalities like Nigar Nazar, Bushra Ansari, Shahida Azeem, Tahira, Mahjabeen, Munazza Qasim, Rumi Jalal, Hina Tariq, Munazza Azhar, Uzma Haroon and so many others who have proved that age is just a number.

Let me sum up what I’ve learnt so far in these fifteen points:

  1. One must celebrate one’s birthday with a bang! And share it with all those who have made one’s life so wonderful and great.
  2. Enjoy the present at all times.
  3. Be at peace with your past. (- remember to remember the lessons!)
  4. Gift yourself whatever you feel life forgot to give you. (Hint: flowers, books, trips to exotic places, meeting friends who forget to meet you, dresses, jewelry… whatever!)
  5. Stop blaming others (parents, circumstances, situations, siblings, country, community, religion, for not doing certain things in your life.) I believe, we are fully responsible for ourselves after 18 years of age. So, stop making stupid excuses, for yourself or others.
  6. Forgive all those who really were mean creeps in your life. (They are enough for themselves!)
  7. Never put your age as a barrier between yourself and what you want. Just go for it.
  8. Make your own rules when others’ rules don’t fit.
  9. Plan and deal with things you have to deal with ASAP.
  10. Exercise, exercise, and exercise. Eat healthy and smart. Stop social eating. (I learnt this very recently.)
  11. Learn new things at all times. (This includes, knowledge, skills, theories, recipes, exercises etc.)
  12. Love life and everything in it.
  13. Get your usual favorite clothes, and also try a few new styles in clothes and accessories.
  14. You know how to make yourself happy. Do it; (Hint: Music, painting, writing, cycling, running, dresses, DOING NOTHING. Only depend on yourself for your happiness.
  15. Invest in relationships and friendships.

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF AND YOU!

 

 

How God helps!

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This happened last week…

I am sitting in this strange office, in a very familiar building in Islamabad. I’ve finally signed a peace treaty and have what is mine. The man in this office, who used to help me, is no longer in this world. I’m suddenly feeling insecure.

As I feel insecure, I shake myself. I know that the One who sent Mr. Ejaz into my life is there, above me. I just have to look up to Him. As I watch the three men, exchanging files, and looking into details and calculating how much dues  I’ve got to pay the office for what I have, I’m skeptical.

“Please help me Allah, I’m feeling insecure, and don’t know anything. “ I pray silently. (No matter what happens, in Pakistan, people are always scaring one about its corruption which really gets you!)

Suddenly, the man looks at me and says. Well it amounts to this much, but since you are a widow, next time, you won’t have to pay so much.

“I’m a widow now too”, I say. “I’ve been that since 2012, you know that.” I add. They look at each other, and say, “You are right. You shouldn’t be paying this amount either.”

He says, “come with me, I’ll speak to the General Secretary, Zafar sahib.” I go back with him to the office we had come from. He explains to the gentleman, showing him the clause in their book of rules, ‘75% concession for widows.’

I’m saved a lot of extra costs. I happily pay the re-adjusted amount. And walk back to my car. How, my Allah helped me at the office! I look at my car, wondering how earlier, I found this parking spot in another market altogether, which turned out to be closer to that office.

I look up at my God, and thank Him, humbly, how He helps me at every step.

Very often, when people realize, I’m going to be driving alone, late at night “oh, so you are going back alone?” I look surprised, “I’m not alone, I say. He is with me!” pointing above me. – See what I mean? I know, it may sound very nutty to some. I’ve watched how He helps me in so many ways, through so many wonderful people who are like angels in my life. My relationship has been very close to Him.

“How much Allah helps us!” Waliya was overwhelmed a couple of days ago. She was so touched at the way a friend’s brother was helping her. Standing outside in lines for her, and helping her to sell her car. “Yes, Allah keeps helping us,” I smiled at her, “He knows He is on full time duty at our place!” He knows, this family only turns to Him, no matter what happens. So, He keeps sending these wonderful people into our lives.

Most of my readers know exactly what I mean. Don’t you?

“Alhamdolillah!”

 

Stay blessed, my reader.

Advice to my younger self?

“What advice would you give to your younger self?” is something I read, which got me thinking.  I think, no one is in a position to advise anyone. Not even ’ I’ to ‘me’ of my past. I think everyone is intelligent enough to know what is the best thing to do in a situation.

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