It is that time of the year again.
This is the time of year which hits my daughters and myself the most. It is this month when my husband passed away, six years ago. No matter how hard we try, we cannot deal with it. I suppose this is how the ‘barsi’ concept became so prevalent. It made one get busy doing something to avoid thinking all those sad memories. So, of course one gives food to the poor or finds a way to remember the departed soul. Yet, we cannot help feeling these feelings of sadness. Is it the same for you too? We all have a dear person in heaven right now….
I remember, seeing others like this, and I’d think,
‘why don’t they just get over it?’ Why these maudlin thoughts and behaviors? I guess, when you lose someone who has been a major part of your life, it becomes very hard to deal with the loss.
It takes time.
This is why simple, plain grieving is important too. For instance, people say, ‘don’t cry, don’t think about it.’ Yes, for a while you may stop but then, I’ve realized, it is good to let yourself be immersed in the grief too. It is okay to grieve, to help you get it out of your system. Give yourself time to recuperate.
When you don’t get the required time to grieve, it will come out later on in your life, in some form or another. Whatever is your case, it is best to give charity or sadqa. That is one sure shot way to overcome grief I guess. It is a way to soothe one’s sad heart.
This could be done in one of so many ways:
- Getting a bed, wheelchair, ambulance (or several) for a hospital.
- Putting a water cooler in front of one’s house.
- Helping in publication of a book.
- Sponsor a child in an orphanage.
- Donate for research of cancer, (or whatever illness the person had.)
- Getting food for the poor.
- Educating one or several persons. (Keep a tutor for educating your domestic staff.)
- Completing the Quran for the person and praying for him or her. (Please do this yourself, because that is best. You can just read it through the year, and pray for the departed soul at the end of it.)
Yes, it is sad, and we have to tell ourselves that it is okay to be sad.
So many of my close relatives and friends have passed away, it is important to remember them and to pray for their souls today.
Let us join hands to pray for the departed souls in our respective families today. Let us pray for ourselves too, that we may have a worthy life, while we are here in this world. We don’t know what is ahead of us, we do know that we are alive today, for a reason. Those who lived and left before us, have completed their tenure. Ours is still going on for a special reason. Let us pray that whatever we were supposed to do, we are already on it, or will do it as soon as possible.
It is also important to thank God for the happy memories we have and to forgive the departed souls too.
While praying, let us pray specially for all those among us who are facing health issues today. May Allah bring health and complete recovery to them. This is a special prayer for my brother Saadullah Bhai, and for my lovely Aisha, daughter of my newly found childhood friend Mahira Rae Khan. Ameen.
Stay blessed my dear reader. It is all right to feel sad, and to pray and do nothing else for some days in our lives. We need to give time to ourselves to remember those who are no longer with us, and to pray for those who are unwell and need our prayers.
I’ll leave you with this beautiful and yet a bit sad poetry by this poet whose name I’m searching. (Keep a box of tissues next to you while listening.)
Note: All photographs provided by author. The video clip is taken from the one circulating on WhatsApp with thanks.